Finding LIGHT IN the darkness of ill
One of my failings now..
is
i
OFTEN FEEL INVINCIBLE
AND
HAVE
TO
CONCENTRATE ON CAUTION
IN
A
LOGICAL
WAY..
AS
ANXIETY
USED
TO
BE MY AUTOMATIC WAY OF LIFE..
THAT
IS
NO
MORE…
THANK GOD
FOR
THAT!
YESTERDAY..
i dance walked over 21 miles all around metro area stores..
while
my
wife
SHOPPED..
AND TRULY i was FEELING LIKE
A
BUTTERFLY IN FLIGHT
ON
TERRESTRIAL PLANE
EVEN IN THE BOOKSTORE
READING
A
BOOK
ON EVIL SWITCHING THE BOOK FROM HAND TO HAND
IN
DANCE WHILE i listened to a highly motivating Alan Parson’s song…
And this book on evil brought back the memories of torture that the
United States inflicted on prisoners
in
Iraq
and reading about it spired
a feeling of wrath against all humanity
that IS
DEAD HEARTED SOUL..
LEADING OTHERS TO THE SAME PATH
OF REAL HUMAN EVIL
AND
HUMAN HELL..
AND THIS POWER OF FORCE INSIDE ME
SEEMED SO STRONG..
i felt like i could become a Hurricane
and
blow those people
away..
in
GOD’s
force
of
WRATH…
So GOD sends me two messengers of peace with mustaches..
yes.. two girls having fun with me dancing..
copying my bushy mustache with
fake mustaches
available
in
the bookstore somewhere
i guess…
Well the wrathful feeling was replaced with
LAUGHTER AND LOVE..
AS
THE FEELING OF WRATH IS ONLY COUNTERPRODUCTIVE..
IN CAUSING THE SAME
HARM
DESCRIBED
IN
THE BOOK AS A VICIOUS CYCLE
OF
RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION
THAT CAN RESULT IN TRIBAL WAYS
OF
HARM
TO OTHER INNOCENT HUMAN BEINGS..
IN WINDS OF WRATHFUL
TRIBAL
STORMS!
SO as i am finishing
my dancing walking
in Kohl’s department store..
yes..
all this documented in the previous blog post
in
photographic
REAL LIFE
ILLUSTRATION!
A COLD OR A FLU HIT ME LIKE A TON OF BRICKS
AND SUDDENLY i could hardly walk
or think clearly
and
ALL i wanted to do is find a bed to lay my head..
in
weakness….
So yes.. another message from GOD that truly i am still as fragile
as any other human being..
ALL THINGS CONSIDERED
IN
POTENTIAL SICKNESS…
AND MY WILL POWER THAT IS THAT OF JOB NOW..
AFTER RECOVERING FROM 19 DOCUMENTED HORRIFYING MEDICAL ILLNESSES..
PER DARKEST OF TYPE TWO TRIGEMINAL
NEURALGIA..
SJOGREN’S SYNDROME..
AND
DYSAUTONOMIA
AS MY GREATEST FEAR CAME TRUE..
I COULD NO LONGER FEEL..
USE MY EYES OR EARS EFFECTIVELY
TO ENJOY LIFE..
OR
EVEN WALK OR
RAISE MY ARMS AFTER EATING
WITHOUT ALMOST
PASSING OUT..
AND PART OF SJOGREN’S SYNDROME
THROUGH INCREDIBLE FOOT PAIN
AND TOTALLY DRY EYES
LIKE SWIMMING IN SALT WATER
WITH ONE’S EYES OPEN..
MADE IT
WHERE
i could not even take one look of life
one sound of life..
or
one step of life.
without incredible human pain and suffering
as almost a complete shut-in for over 5 years..
of literal human hell…
But truly that was GOD’s greatest gift to me..
as i finally escaped all the illusions of culture..
and looked within.. outside..
above..
and so below
for
Truth
AND
TRULY
i
WOKE
UP
LIKE
THIS!
SO YES.. LIFE CAN BE FRAGILE
BUT THE BLESSINGS OF LIFE..
ARE
GREATER THAN ANY NECESSARY DARK ILL
i
knowNOW
for
sure!
i skipped only my 2nd work-out due to illness
in over a year..
and
decide
to Celebrate the DARK of ILL
leading
to
Light
wRite
here
now!
at word five-hundred-fifty-five…
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